Ronald Reagan Criterium 2010

Dixon, IL

I remember the 80s as a mostly dismal decade of Greyness, unemployment, blue eyeshadow, perms and shoulder pads. Musically, there was a golden age from 1978-83, then it all started to go horribly wrong. The charms of the Linn drum machine waned, to be replaced by hollow formula music and computerised farting.

Amongst those memories, Ronald Reagan stands prominent. In my opinion he was one of America's worst presidents. In foreign relations he did great harm to America's reputation in the world. Before Ronnie most of the world actually liked America. After Ronnie and his innovative policies, America's name was dirt. By effectively codifying the Fifth Freedom - the right to screw over your fellow man unimpeded - he initiated an era of naked Capitalism that made us feel good about ourselves for being selfish and greedy. We're still paying the price, both politically and economically, for his presidency.

That said, Ronnie was certainly no elitist. From a humble upbringing, he is probably the last American President not to graduate from Yale or Harvard, was president of a union, and certainly didn't care about your background as long as you could screw people over better than the next guy; and make money doing it. He also was The Great Communicator - he could tap into a place in the hearts and minds of the American people that no other post-war president could find and sell his city-on-the-hill hokum to great effect.

What's this got to do with bike racing? Not much, but it wasn't enough to put me off participating in the Ronald Reagan Memorial Crit in Dixon, IL (his hometown) last Saturday. I already had done the Hooverfest race (commemorating an underrated President) so I might as well do this one. Smalltown races are the best anyway.

The race was well-organized, reasonable entry fees (with a nominal $10 for a second race), safe, with plenty of volunteers and top notch race commentary. It received a deserved boost in attendance. Due to downtown reconstruction the 0.8 mile course was somewhat changed, L-shaped, it was faster and eliminated a couple of sketchy corners. Running it clockwise and moving the start/finish line meant that the roughest portions were uphill and the finish was safer. The main feature was a bumpy rise into a headwind, good to launch an attack, followed by two corners and a long tailwind section to a slight rise to the finish, all the corners were wide, so accordeons were not played much today.

Masters 4/5: About 30 starters. Cat 4s don't really start to tire until 25-30 minutes, so a 30 minute race is always going to be difficult for a non-sprinter like me. The first 10 minutes were the usual over enthusiastic surges at the back, so much so that I chose to tailgun it for several laps, moving up to the middle when the panic had died down and everyone was a bit more used to the course. After 15 minutes nothing much had happened, I sensed the pack start to slow a bit and started to move to the front to see what was going on. Just then the announcer announced a prime for a 20-pack of something or other. It had to be beer! So I hammered it off the front, got a gap, maintained it for the lap and sprinted for all I was worth for the last couple of hundred yards, just to ensure that no-one surprised me at the line. Noone did and I won my first ever prime.

Had a big gap with noone chasing. Might as well go for it. Stayed out there for 6 laps but needed 7. They let me hang as I expected them to. The time gap decreased then increased, but never more than about 12 seconds. I put myself in too deep a hole going for the prime, never properly recovered, and it was controlled pain management and oxygen deficit disorder until I succumbed. I did manage to pick up a second prime for my trouble though. Being in front meant that I could choose the best lines and pedal through all the corners, which was a lot of fun, but only prolonged the agony. Meanwhile, the Cat 4s did what Cat 4s do best - nothing - and they caught me coming up to the bell. I retired to mid-pack which is where I finished.

Had I measured out my effort a bit better, I could maybe have surprised them, or at least forced them to work, but it was another Cat 4 criterium condensed to a 20 second effort.

Zero attacks, initiative or willingness to work.

1st half of race 24.5 mph, 2nd half 25.3 mph.

Open 4/5: More of the same. Several solo OTF efforts left to dangle. At least 3 or 4 people turned up to race anyway. I made several abortive efforts that didn't get anywhere. One half lap effort getting hauled back by an unattached rider who then sat up. Found that a bit strange.

With 5 laps to go they announced a prime for a Ronald Reagan T-shirt. Nothing, not even the guy 15 seconds off the front, was going to stop me from getting that T-shirt. I just wanted to see the look on Mrs F's face when I presented her with the special prize I won for her.

I launched up the hill, railed the corners and put it in the 53*12 for the last 300 meters. Caught the leader with yards to spare and snagged my prize. Ok, that done, time to work together and set up a break.

I zoomed around turn 1, ready to get organized .. and started retching violently. Ok, forget about the break. Time to recover. Apologies to Eric of BH for getting his hopes up.

The pack caught me, I tried to latch on but only managed to get on the very back. 3 primes in a row kept the pace high so no recovery for me. It was a full field, apart from the two guys who nearly killed themselves in a collision when sprinting for a pack of Jelly Bellys, that started the last lap together when the pace eventually ramped up. I managed to move up to halfway for the final corner, but the larger field meant more chances to hide for the sit-ins and too many fresh legs made it was a much faster sprint than the previous race.

These races were notable for the complete lack of aggression and willingness to work shown by the riders. Honestly, why do you race? If you weren't hanging on at the back for dear life it was easy to get to the front and make things happen. I race with the hope of getting better, going faster, trying to learn and enjoy. If I don't learn from a race I don't enjoy it, and I don't get better.

If you come in with complete lack of ambition, with the intention of feeling good about yourself by not getting dropped, staying anonymous mid-pack for the duration, laughing at those who give it a go and then handing the top spots to the three pure sprinters and the couple other strong 500m effort guys in the field - what's the point? Why not stay at home and wrestle with your granny for control of the remote? You may not have a greater chance of winning but at least it will fulfil that competitive edge that you fail to bring to a bike race. I have DFL'd more races than I can count, but I have never turned up to a race with the intention of not racing and not doing my best. How many of the Illinois Cat 4s can say that?

That said. Very enjoyable event. Great atmosphere. Can only get bigger.

That 20-pack? Laxatives, I think. Same effect as the Ronnie shirt.

My wife's reaction when I presented her my very special prize? Let's just say that I'm glad I built a very luxurious doghouse - that's where I'm writing this right now.